Conflicted and angry

My 9 year old, Sassy, is at the end of her Fourth Grade year. I didn’t think it possible but this year has been the toughest one for her so far and not for the reason you may think. Or maybe you do. I don’t know.

Our school is a very small, and very young parochial school. There is one section for each grade. Sassy has had the same classmates for five years. Minor changes with kids moving and a couple of new students. We chose this school because she has better education opportunities for the very smart kid she is.

She’s a good student. Great in fact. Very smart although a bit stubborn when it comes to doing homework and having me or the hubs check it over before she turns it in. She’s kind and compassionate and needs to have a person. Problem is the little girl in her class who proclaimed in Kindergarten she was her best friend. This little “Bee” has made it her life goal to turn Sassy’s life upside down. The BFF status was short lived but left a deep mark on my kid. Since half way through Kindergarten, the Bee has built up then slammed down my sweet girl. She makes sure if Sassy is building a friendship with another girl, Bee will step in and “steal” the friend or turn the friend against her.

We began 4th grade with high hopes of the winds of change with two new girls in Sassy’s class. Turns out one of the girls is a mean girl in her own right and Sassy had two Bee’s to deal with this year. Bee2 decided on her own she didn’t like my girl so she started fabricating stories to tell her mom and getting Sassy into trouble. Rather than deal with the issue head on the solution was to tell the girls to “stay away from each other”. Well that’s just frickin’ great! Now who the heck is Sass suppose to play with? She was relegated to an area near whomever was the playground monitor at recess. Sounds like a boat load of fun! Right???

Bee2 eventually backed off until Bee1 decided they should be friends and things went from bad to worse to down right ugly. These two girls single handedly turn Sassy’s entire class against her. Name calling, tattling on her for things she didn’t do and she became completely alienated. I am crying through anger, sadness and frustration because I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

A few weeks ago, we went in to visit with the principal. I know, beat me with a wet noodle, I should have gone in long before, but there was communication from the teacher who was giving me seemingly reasonable solutions (that were obviously not working). I finally hit my limit and we scheduled the sit down. The principal was reassuring and told me she was recently brought into the picture and was very sympathetic to Sassy’s plight. She wants to work toward a new attitude next school year for all of the girls because the girl on girl meanness is further reaching than the 4th grade class. So, my goal was to hold my kid tight, love her and affirm her for the few remaining weeks of this school year.

Then yesterday happened. She came home in tears and completely mortified. One of the boys (the school liar) and a different girl told her she was gay. It was a total set up. The boy asked her if she liked Bee3 and Sass said yes. Immediately he sniggered and told her she was gay to which Bee3 wholeheartedly agreed.

I have a strong desire to confront the mothers of these two students and any other mother of any other student who crosses my kids path. But the restrained, and maybe reasonable side of me tells me that could open a whole new can of worms that with far worse consequences for Sassy and for me.

I’m compiling some information for the principal and am hoping we can implement some specific anti-bullying program or programs in our school. Yesterday a fellow blogger shared a link to Finding Kind. This is a campaign started by two young women who themselves experienced mean girls. They have produced a documentary and offer school assemblies and screenings of their film.

I am truly sick by what is happening to Sassy. Have you experienced anything like this and what did you do? What would you do?